Dear Friends and Family,

I’m excited to announce that John and I are getting married.  After being together for almost 15 years, it feels a little funny to be getting married, but this opportunity is definitely not something we would take for granted.  We’re getting married in a small ceremony at our church with our immediate family members present on Saturday, November 1^st.  We’re counting on Caden to not only carry the rings but throw a bouquet and wear the garter.  Something tells me he’s more likely to throw the rings and eat the bouquet.  It’ll probably be the least traditional wedding you can imagine!  But what’s important is that it will be marriage.

We’re honored to have the chance and feel so gratified that the opportunity has come up in our lifetime.  Truthfully, we never thought we’d see this opportunity come to fruition in our generation.  And frankly, John and I haven’t really been beating down the doors of the courthouse to get married after all.  The prospect of doing so just seemed so remote that I don’t think we could ever imagine what it might actually feel like or look like for us.  But now that it’s here, the prospect of being treated the same as everyone else – and feeling equal for the first time in our lives – is really quite amazing.  

It may be a little hard to imagine, but when you grow up gay, you obviously acknowledge that your life will be different in many ways.  Whether subtly or overtly, society places our relationship and our family on a different level than everyone else’s in some ways.  You experience a whole lot more awkward moments, whether it be silly things like greeting the cable guy or checking in at a hotel, or more substantial things like applying for a loan or adopting a baby.  You name it.  “Being different” permeates every aspect of our life.  We’re not complaining; it’s just different.  Why does that matter?  Over the past fifteen years together, we’ve worked extra hard to live in the mainstream and strive for all the same things that you and everyone else do: working hard, being good to each other, trying to be charitable, and working hard to raise a happy and healthy family.  We’re no different.  We’re good people who work hard trying to do good things in society just like you.

But it’s from this perspective that May’s Supreme Court decision allowing us to get married caused such an impact on us.  For the first time in our lives, we finally felt like officially, someone was on our side.  Standing up for us.  Representing us.  That we’re not evil, deviant people and that we’re not making a “choice” to live a certain way.  We are who we are.  And for the first time, the court ruled that we deserve equality.  You have no idea how good this felt.  I will never forget the moment I heard the ruling.  I couldn’t hold back my tears, I gave Caden a giant hug and said, “Today is a very good day, son.”  He smiled up at me like he always does.  Indeed.  A great day in many ways.  The only thing that could have made it better would have been if more of our society had been happier with the decision.

Unfortunately, there are many, many people in our society who have an innate and intense opposition to people who are gay.  Many of them stem from religious teachings.  Some are simply based on fear.  John and I have always worked to be good role models in order to help evaporate that fear and bias.  But it can take a lot of effort to open hearts and minds.  Preconceptions so deep may take generations to overcome.  And depending on the outcome of our next election, things could actually get worse.  Unfortunately, our right to be married could very well be eliminated should Proposition 8 be passed.

Furthermore, if Proposition 8 passes, many fear that, not only will it eliminate marriage equality, but it will negatively shift public opinion and re-characterize the way society looks at gay and lesbian families for years to come.  We don’t look forward to Caden starting school and being raised in that kind of environment.  For so many important reasons, we hope you support the defeat of Proposition 8.  Specifically, we ask that you consider doing one or more of the following:

(1)   If you are not already registered to vote in California, please consider doing so.  This is such an important election.  You only have until Monday to file the form.  Click here to get more information.  Basically, you need to go to the post office, library or county elections office and pick up a voter registration form.  Or you can download one from the website.  It must be post-marked by October 20^th.

(2)   Consider making a donation to the No on 8 campaign.  In lieu of wedding gifts, we are asking our family and friends to instead donate to defeat this stupid proposition.  We are registered at: www.eqcaweddingregistry.com.  Type in “Zenker” under the last name and you should find us.  Donate whatever you can; every little bit helps!  If you’ve followed the news recently, you know that this proposition is being funded to the tune of millions of dollars by out-of-state organizations such as the Mormon Church and right-wing extremists.

(3)   Vote No on Proposition 8 on November 4th.

Take a look at this video if you have time: Click here.

Warmly,

Dave, John and Caden